Ek tha... ‘So called star’..!!

Once upon a time when I was very young, there used to be a ‘mastaan’ who used to reside in my locality.  He wore floral shirts, tied a bandanna on his forehead and paraded along as the king of the town. He had a swagger about him; he would drink and abuse people and was even known to have committed murders. But he still had a loyal gang of cronies who worshiped him, thus enhancing his arrogance further. They would all say he is a gentle-hearted man; ‘you should see beyond his tough exterior’ they would proclaim. He would organize a few Pujas in our locality then, making some worship him further. But they ignored the fact that he would abuse and fight his way for snatching all the ‘chanda’ he could collect from innocent citizens. None mattered to him; many took to him as their idol and tried to emulate him and his antics.  But as is the way of nature, things changed. The last that I heard of him was that his body was found near a gutter; he had drunk himself to death. Neither his family nor any of his ‘ worshipers’ were there beside him. They got wiser...!! Sanity prevailed..!!    

Now why have I bothered to recite this even from my past? I shall not elaborate on it. I consider my readers to be fairly intelligent and let them decipher its meaning by themselves.

So Ek tha Tiger has garnered crores of rupees at the box office. How nice. Right, so has Indian cinema got a reason to celebrate for a fantastic film to have hit our lives? Err... Well I had the pleasure of watching this movie at a theatre and all I can say is I am glad I don’t have claws instead of nails else I would have shredded myself to death out of sheer frustration. Ladies and gentleman Salman Khan has arrived again, with absolutely nothing new to offer and has given his ‘followers’ reasons to rejoice yet again. But it has given me, finally a reason to write something about this arrogant scumbag who parades across as a star.

Now I will not waste my time here comparing Salman with SRK. Nope. That, I have always believed is a laughable and digressive argument and utter humiliation for SRK to be even compared to this fellow. (I am not an SRK fan, but have grown to be fond of him and even respect him for his contribution to our cinema). Let me just focus only on Salman and his so called stardom.

Salman has been extraordinarily famous since ‘Wanted’ hit our screens. But he generally has a particular type of ‘worshippers’ or ‘fans’ who just love ‘Bhai’ in action.

Ask most of them some intelligible question, like for example what has Salman’s biggest contribution been to our cinema? They would just shrug their shoulders, wave their greasy hair and grunt, “Whatever...Bhai rocks...!”

Okay and what part of Salman’s ‘acting’ do you like the best?

Blank stare. Then, “Bhai is awesome...!”

Right...Umm...Would you like to see Salman play some other ‘meaningful’ characters like Mohan Bhargav?

Blank stare. Grunt. Wave of greasy hair, “Mohan who??

Well that’s SRK’s character from Swades. Never mind..Oh wait... SRK can’t be brought into a conversation concerning Salman Bhai. Hmm...Okay how about him playing a part in a relatively lesser known film like Dasvidaniya?

“Das what?”... Confused look. Scratches his head and turns away, shouting. “Bhai is zindabaad!!”

Is this my generalized opinion? Of course it is. It’s my blog you see. Anyways, coming back to stardom. I would like you all to close your eyes for a minute and feel who according to you a real movie star is. Without taking any names, I presume it should be someone who is intelligent and has a worldwide appeal and not just fans who reside in shanties, someone who has a pleasing public demeanor and someone who is an ideal role model for youngsters. Not to forget the fact that he/she should have made their contribution to take their respective country’s cinema on a global platform by doing meaningful films. In short someone whom all and sundry respect. Isn’t that right? Now think again for a minute about Salman Bhai.  He carries that fake arrogant swagger, that irritatingly arrogant smile and deliberate fake behavior in TV interviews. Not to forget that horribly fake accent he carries which he believes comes from the US but sounds more from the slums of Dharavi. On the point of intelligence; I recently read his interview where he spoke about business economics of the film industry. Well let’s just say watching Salman speaking about economics is quite similar to imagining Rakhi Sawant playing Sita in the Ramayana.

But all this doesn’t matter to his fans of course. Bhai has a heart of gold you see. Its strange how even some industry folks keep ranting about this ‘heart of gold’ rubbish. ‘The man with the tough exterior and a soft as a baby interior’. Chooo chwweeet... Bullshit..!!

People conveniently forget that this 'golden – hearted' person killed half a dozen people in their sleep while driving full speed and being heavily drunk. So many families were ripped apart that night. But none shall speak about it. He is roaming scot-free, enjoying his success, despite being a murderer.

He is the very ‘golden-hearted’ person who killed a few animals just for the fun of it. It is a legal crime in our country. But of course, he is Bhai yaar.

This golden- hearted person was also found heavily drunk beating down the door of a respected woman and shouting abuses at her in the middle of the night. Not to mention the fact that he has also been seen beating a few media persons in broad daylight. But come on yaar, he is Bhai after all you see.

Imagine for a minute if say a Ranbir Kapoor today was found doing these very things. The media and the people would have completely devoured him alive. He would have been branded a criminal and anti-social. Inhuman.  

Inhuman...Does that ring a bell?? The thing is Salman has very cleverly hidden all his atrocities behind the mask of his group 'Being Human' and now parades across as a social activist. But he is not fooling everyone thankfully. For many I know he will remain a low-life. 

Oh wait a minute. Salman the ‘golden-heart’ Khan also celebrates Ganesh Chaturthi every year. Awww... Such a nice guy know? But hang on, how does the media cover every detail of his antics?  How do they get this privilege? Hmm...  I thought ‘pujas’ are extremely close private family affairs. Did I mention that SRK has a mandir inside his home too? Or the fact that he celebrates Diwali with his kids with equal aplomb as he enjoys Eid. The cameras of the media aren’t there to cover all this. They shouldn’t be. It’s a private family affair and not be showcased to the world. In doing this SRK isn’t doing any favours to humanity, but the one who uses this to shine his ‘golden-hearted’ image is pure derogatory. Does that ring a bell in some thick skulls?

And coming to his movies and the success. I have a theory on that too. Think about all his recent success, they all follow a similar pattern. That same old arrogant swagger, same done to death emotions and failed attempts at 'acting', slow-mo action scenes where he beats up a 100 goons and delivers cheap no-meaning one-liners. His ‘fans’ love that. I would like to see him ‘try’ some well-meaning films playing a serious character or even for that matter a romantic film. Things will change then.

Just think for a moment. Will you be saying this to your children years down the line, “Beta please watch these films- Bodyguard and Ready. These were the biggest hits of our cinema at one time.” Rest assured, you would have to spend a considerable amount of your time in old-age homes if you take this course of action. Point is, after 20 years in the industry, name a few films of Bhai which you can proudly showcase to the world and let them have a glimpse of our cinema’s rich standards. In fact every time his film hits the theatres, it’s a step backward for our cinema; all in the name of ‘masala’ entertainment.  It takes our cinema from class to crass.

But like I said things will soon change in anyacse.

Oh yes they will. His fans will scoff at this. Four centuries in a row you see- they will proclaim. Yes, there might be a fifth and a sixth too. But things will change and he will fall. The public will get bored of him. This is a particular ‘wave’ that will and I repeat will die down. That arrogance will go and so will that swagger. Oh yes, things will change you will all see. To quote from cricket, “Form is temporary, and class is permanent.” Seeing that this so-called star hasn't got an iota of class whatsoever I do see a very bright future for our cinema which won’t have to bear with the garbage that he dishes out at us.

Laugh all you want Salman fans, but that day will come. And then I will re-post this and mock you with all my heart. A word of caution to all Salman fans who might be reading this. DO NOT comment on this post. For all the articles I write I always invite criticism. But this is different.  I don’t need your views. I will delete them the moment I see any negative comment or the ones that don’t agree with me. I don’t care about you. This is purely for the pleasure of pouring in all my hatred towards your low-life Bhai. In all the posts I have written in my blog, this is the one that I had the most fun writing. This is purely for me and people who agree with me. We will have the time of our lives ridiculing him further. I don’t know if I will ever feel this pleasure again. Just for once I have kicked out the journalist in me. Am I being too prejudiced against Salman? Of course I am. And I am loving every bit of it. People like him are a threat to the well-being of our society for many reasons and I will do whatever I can to vent out my ire against this person.

For now though, I will just keep ignoring him with all my might. And wait for that beautiful day when this ‘so-called’ star falls. 

And sanity waits..!!