The ‘Facebook-Wallas’

Okay, so after writing so many hard-hitting, engaging, analytic, sarcastic pieces I wanted to take a break. As in I wanted to try my hand at a different kind of writing. Something very light and maybe funny. I wondered on the topic to take, trying to search and look for it in things around me. Then, this Sunday I went for a movie with an old school friend of mine. While we were in the theatre waiting for the movie to start, he suddenly took out his flashy cell phone with a gleam in his eye and said, “Let me update this on my Facebook profile.”  I looked at him to gauge if he was serious; and then he started typing- “With Bhavesh Bhimani at New Empire (the name of the theater).”  He looked satisfied after doing it, “There, done.” But it left me pondering; what is this new fad all about? And from therein came the idea for this piece.

Facebook or FB as they call it, is something which makes up a significant part of our lives in today’s times; there is no denying that fact. However, what I suddenly found intriguing after that incident was to notice how different people react and behave differently on FB. Immediately in my mind’s eye I tried to classify different Facebook users according to the way they behave and the way I perceive them in general. I call them the ‘Facebook-Wallas’. Please do not take anything personally though, this is just an attempt to be humorous. Let us have a closer look:

The Lover: The most prominent and the most dominated list in my view. The world is collapsing around you, there are terrorists right outside your window, India is at war, but wait a minute; they don’t give a rat's fart about it. They want to love and spread the message of love. LOVE, LOVE LOVE and some more LOVE. They share love quotes via pics or status updates. While that is fine to digest to an extent but what makes the brains go mad is when people start sharing details of their love lives on FB. Someone is in love, someone is heartbroken, someone is feeling cheated or someone is trying to woo their love. Oh hell they just want to Love…LOVE, LOVE and some more LOVE.  “I still miss her smile”, “I wish he would understand”, “You make me feel special”, “Oh God, I have butterflies in my stomach”- are some of the samples which I have to endure daily. I just yell- “PLEASE SPARE ME.. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SPARE ME.” But they don’t listen to you, all they say is- LOVE, LOVE LOVE and some more LOVE.

The VVIPs: Or I can also bracket them as the self- appointed superstars. “Ramesh was with Suresh at the Dhaba”, “Sanjay was with Aman at the Airport, “Going for dinner with my friends”, “Just bought a new pair of converse shoes”, or worse still, “Watching movie with Mahesh,” while Mahesh types, “Enjoying the film with Kamlesh”, “Now eating Chole bhature,”. Okay, now really. What is happening to people? Every single, miniscule, insignificant detail of your life is being poured out through Facebook. Someone badly needs to tell them- 'We don't give a f***'. 

I guess these days some scenes at a restaurant between friends must be like this:  X- “Ahh my dinner has arrived, boy am I hungry.” Y- “Don’t touch it, let me take a pic of this. Have to post this right now.” X- “But I am hungry, please let me eat.” Y- “F*** your hunger, this has to be posted fresh, now move aside, I want a good view”.

There is a sub-division to these VVIPs as well; people who take it upon themselves to inform the world about when the sun rises and when night falls : “Good Morning friends”, “Good night buddies.” I wish Facebook would type back, “Just go to sleep asshole.”

The ‘Liker’:  Very large in numbers I tell you, but not very harmful either. They are mostly offline, and just stay around all day to snoop and lurk into people’s posts and other updates and 'like' them without even bothering to see if it is worth it. These people must be  operating somewhat like this: Open FB, scroll down the homepage, see all the statuses and then go- Like, Like,Like, Like…. , then type “Hehehe’”, “ROFL” on certain posts and say “Ahh, job done for the day.”

The Gamer: Another class which are gigantic in numbers. While I do not have any issues with people spending entire days on playing ‘Farmville’ or whatever other ‘ville’ there is; the problem arises when people become generous and start sending game requests. I have really lost count of the umpteen number of people I have blocked from sending me these preposterously idiotic game requests, but they still somehow survive and live to send another ‘request’. I wish there was a constitutional law against this; where I can file a complaint against people who send me these requests. But then again who knows, the judge might not listen to my case properly as he might be too busy sending another game request to a friend. Lord help the world.

The Promoter:  These people are what I call shameless. ‘Events’ are created and then shamelessly sent to everybody on the ‘Friends list’. And then if you unfortunately, out of courtesy, accept the event then you are done for. They will keep notifying you about the event and bombard you with its details in the hope that you are forced to attend it out of sheer frustration. Then there are others who create ‘pages’ and ask you to share and promote it. “Pls pls. Like my page”, “Pls promote my page,” and some other such comments will keep pricking you until you actually do it. It gets downright embarrassing sometimes when people keep messaging you even in your inbox: “Bro, Don’t forget to like my page”. I say to myself, “Where are the terrorists when you need them.”

The Tagger:  Ahem. This one includes myself. But then again, I always tag people with my write-ups; in the hope that it reaches them. (I also request you today through this post, that after you have read my posts kindly do ‘untag' yourselves). However, what is horribly irritating is when people keep tagging at the drop of the hat on any picture or post they feel like. I find it bizarre when people even take pictures of themselves and then tag people; and these are embarrassing I tell you. People who look almost in a drunken state go on to tag people and then ask, “Guys, how do I look?” There is a bloke in my list who keeps doing this every day and once I found him displaying a picture of his slashed wrists to everyone with pride! The levels some people stoop to nowadays to grab some eyeballs!  Sometimes I really feel I should have taken a licensed gun, if you know what I mean.

Mr. /Mrs. Emotional:  “Feeling sad,”

 “Why dear, what’s wrong?”

“Can’t tell you here”

Hmmm..

“I am fed up of my life.”

“Kyu, kya hua dear?”

“Can’t tell you here,”

Okay, so why the f!@# did you write this in any case? Closely related to ‘The Lover', this breed is dangerously large in proportions. See the above pic for a perfect example of these psychos. They think that they are the saddest and the most aggrieved people in the world. And even if you do not care, you will have to read their drivel in front of your eyes. They even go the extent of typing sad songs on their wall or of course copy-pasting sad love quotes which are massive in number or  keep posting emotional love songs and pictures. There is just no end to these people’s barrage of emotional downpour. “Oh look I am sad, please give me some attention and pamper me,” is what they actually mean. I keep my temper in check every time I see these posts; but they still somehow get to me. As I write this I see another such post: 

“I still miss the look of your eyes,” 

I look for my gun. 

“Love is blind, love is life. I am unlucky in life.”

I load the bullets in my gun.

“I wish the pain would go away,”

BANG…!!!

The Social-activist:  This is a brand new breed and are really spreading like a virus. Apparently they think they are making the world a better place by constantly sharing some ‘thought-provoking’ pictures. A picture of a handicapped child whose face is grotesque and is hardly visible is posted and then it is written: “Please share this pic, one like might save her life”. Okay, but how? “Errr.. That is not my job to know. I just did what any good citizen would do for their society” is the prompt answer. So in today’s times if you love your mother, or sister or your army then you have got to ‘like’ these pictures you see. The above picture is an apt summary of what I feel about these impudent posts. 

And then there is a barrage of endless garble like “If you want to fight the cause against cancer, then like this pic”, “If you think that animals should not be dealt cruelly, then like this pic. One like means a thousand animals saved,”, “If you think this poor man deserves food, then click like,” Hmm.. I wonder what it must it must be like to be a real activist, like many I know who are on the ground, fighting to make our society better. They do not even have the time to open a Facebook account. Tsk. Tsk. 

However, I have a vivid imagination and thus I tried to visualize how these 'Facebook Social-activists' might actually be like, here is a sample:

“Ahh. This picture looks good. The child looks pretty malnutrition-ed and the picture of this beaten up cat is a cinch to get me a hundred likes,” he smiles to himself. As the last morsel of the potato chips drops out from his lips, he farts, then goes on to post these pictures and awaits the feedback. “5 likes and 3 comments in 10 minutes!!.. coooool”. My good deed for the day is done, he thinks to himself and farts some more in sheer pleasure of his success.  “Now where is that porn site I had bookmarked? Time for some real action.”  Ta-dah… !!

                                                                        ******

I agree I might have sounded a little too harsh or maybe even over the top, but then that is what I intended to do, for I feel we take Facebook a little too seriously at times. We let it consume our lives by making us ignore the simpler and genuine pleasures of life like actually enjoying the movie or food before trying to 'share' it with the world. Tender emotions are supposed to be felt and not talked about every time; a dear friend of mine had taught me that albeit indirectly. Enjoy your life, but not at the cost of making it a news bulletin.

Now I will take your leave and ponder over a new topic to write on. Meanwhile you may also add some more titles to the above classifications I have made. It shall be appreciated. 

And before you close this page, err.. don’t forget to ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post on your Facebook wall will you? 

In celebration of my ‘Half-century’

50, that number might have different meanings for different people from different fields. For me, it currently is evoking a feeling of pride. Why you ask? Oh well you see last week I completed 50 posts in this blog of mine. So what is the big deal then? Well not for you obviously, but it is a big deal for me. And a very massive one at that when I sit and ponder over it.

When I started this blog two and a half years ago, I had absolutely no inkling that I will even get close to reaching this number. Those days I used to pen my writings in a simple ruled copy and it was a huge deal for me to get into this MS Word mode. I wasn’t very tech-savvy then and to even start this blog was a monumental achievement for me. I was all at sea then; “What shall I write about?”, “Who will read my stuff? Why will they read it? “What if they make fun of my writings?”. These and many more such doubts used to plague my mind. But the initial response I got boosted my confidence and pumped me up to keep writing and it has remained such to date.

I wrote and wrote, sometimes I would take a self-imposed sabbatical, but would be back again sooner rather than later. In fact, the time I would not write for my blog I would feel uneasy; almost like I am cheating on my spouse. Yes, it indeed is a strange  connection I have with it. But never have I written for the sake of writing; I always wrote when I felt like it. Over these years I have written on varied topics here; cricket, human –interest, my opinions, wildlife etc. Each post, without sounding pompous, required a considerable amount of toil from my side. I cannot say that I love all of them equally, but I definitely cherish each one of them, some more than the others, for their own reasons.  

Life is all about celebrating small moments and memories. This is a small yet very significant achievement for me in many ways that I shall never be able to explain. Hence, today I go back and select the Top 5 writings, from the overall 50, of this blog. Yes it might sound excruciatingly stupid to many of you, but hell I am in a mood for self-indulgence and shall go ahead with it and do some self-celebration. So here goes:

(If you wish to read any of the below mentioned articles, just click on its title, which is a link, and it will open up the respective  post.)

While we were sleeping:   The first ‘real’ post in this blog. This one is by no means even close to my best writing but it would remain in my top spot forever purely because of the way it came about. I did not have any idea then on how to begin writing for my blog, or what to start with. I did not want it to be something ordinary. As it turned out this post was inspired by a true incident that happened to me and my friend. The incident left a strong impact on me and by a good stroke of luck I got the inspiration of penning it down. I remember thinking about it while travelling in an auto and then excitedly going back home and writing it down that very night. The response I got for it was quite overwhelming and it still remains the second most ‘liked’ post of mine. As things turned out, my friend (who was involved in the incident) loved the post and egged me on to make a docu-feature on the same subject. I did so and amazingly it went on to win the ‘Best Docu’ award at my college function. Imagine how just a small incident can inspire you to do so many things. This incident taught me that inspiration always lurks right around you; we just have to find it. If I want I can make the many changes that are required in this post; the grammatical errors, sentence framing etc. But I don’t’. I like it this way. It shows me of how much I have progressed. Like they say, ‘some good things are better left untouched’.

We the people:I consider this as one of my best writings. It was Independence Day and when I woke up in the morning I somehow had the urge to write something. More so when I opened my Facebook account and saw the usual I-Day ‘tags’ and ‘Proud to be an Indian’ posts. It irked me and I just sat down and wrote this post. I had not planned it at all; it was one of those ‘spur of the moment’ acts. After I had written it down I felt good about myself, having siphoned off a considerable amount of my uneasiness that I had felt.I wrote down almost everything that I felt is wrong with our society’s mindset. If today I sit and think of trying to better this post for another I- Day article I won’t be able to do so.  I seriously do think I shall not be able to better it.

Love thy neighbour...Only if he lets you to!! : I had written many cricket related write-ups before this one on my blog but this one is my favourite primarily for the topic concerned. It came about again after getting peeved with an incident that had happened before the Indo-Pak match in the 2011 World Cup. Pakistan obviously never lets an opportunity amiss to make me hate them; there have been incidents prior and later to this one which evoked similar and more hatred in me against them. But since this one was related to cricket I decided to pen it down. After I write any of my writing, I asses it on the basis of the satisfaction it provides me. And this one scores highly in that regard. I successfully managed to vent out my bottled up rage against their scumbag cricketers and also touched upon the larger issue concerning Indo-Pak relations. Though it did not really make me happy, it definitely made me feel cooled down a bit. Like my best friend commented on this post- ‘this is one of your best articles’. I second him on that.

Those ‘really’ were the days: This one again is not one of my best writings but will remain special for different reasons. I wrote it at a time when I was going through a transitional and emotional phase in my life. It made me feel increasingly nostalgic and made me crave for my yester-years desperately. So like I do most times when I go through a varying range of emotions; I wrote. Nostalgia is a massive word and includes a wide vista of memories and emotions. It is exceedingly difficult to put all those down in a 2000 word article. But I managed it somehow, and felt good about it in the end. It made me happy and made me forget over my inner troubles for a while. I covered the most significant parts of my nostalgia quite well I believe. I liked the way I began and loved the way I ended it, especially because I had got the idea for this one while travelling (again in an auto; well I do think a lot while I travel and it has inspired me for many of my write-ups). I had initially thought that people will get bored reading it and wouldn't really relate to it. But the response I got was simply amazing. It seemed like I had made everyone go back in time and relive their nostalgia. People wanted me to write more on this and some even suggested to come out with a part-2! It pleased me immensely. I kept re-reading it many times over and still do sometimes.

Ek tha ‘so-called star’:  The most ‘liked’ of all my posts, this one is indeed a special one. I had been intending to write on this fellow for quite some time. I had had debates on this issue with many of my friends and many had urged me to write on this. It took me some time but when I finally wrote it down I found it hilarious. For once I shunned out the journalist in me and wrote down with a kind of sadistic madness. It was ‘mad’ writing but a thoroughly refreshing one. The response again was quite fantastic, leaving out the ‘Salu’ fans of course. And even when I read it now I find it quite surprising on how I managed to write like this. I had written one more ‘filmy’ post prior to this but this one wins hands down purely because of its significance and the unique satisfaction it brought about. I carried out all my years of feelings towards this imbecile and channeled it into one article, and did it quite well I might add.  After reading this I got a call from an ex-friend of mine whom I hadn't talked to in ages. He told me, “I have become your fan. What a writer you are! Simply amazing.” This was like the icing on the cake; a cake which was really sumptuous.

                                                                            ****

Without sounding arrogant I have to say it was indeed a mightily difficult task to choose these five from the overall 50. There are many which I would have liked to see here, Esther Friede’s article, an article I had written on my best friend who is a film-maker (but these two weren't exactly written for my blog so that is the reason I didn't pick them), some cricket writings, some personal opinions, and a few others; but then it is simply impossible to choose all. Hence this is it then; my selected top 5.

This blog of mine holds a pivotal place in my life. It is like that link which connects me to my readers and helps me grow in confidence as a writer. I do not know how far will I eventually reach but I will always hold this blog special for it was the first step I took to present my only skill to the real world. It has given me many good memories and emotions. After every post I would eagerly await the feedback in those initial days (I still do) and would be pleased to get good responses from my friends. Sometimes even strangers have sent me messages telling me how they appreciate my writings, and how they get inspired by it. That really is the biggest thing that keeps me motivated to write more and more; my readers and their love. And now, unbelievably, I can also see that this blog is read by people in the USA, Germany and even Russia.   (See pic)                                                          

I have crossed 50 after a lot of hard-work and patience and by God’s grace would maybe even touch a 100 someday. Eventually I want to be a good and established writer one day and this blog has helped me immensely in achieving that goal to some extent. With each writing I have grown as a writer, and this journey is obviously never-ending, and I wish to continue like this till my last breath. My cricket writings would now perhaps not be found here as I have discovered a different platform for it, but I shall always continue penning my varied thoughts here. It helps me feel normal; it helps in making me happy. I will keep writing no matter what, I will write when I am happy, when I am angry and when I am emotional. But the writing shall never stop.

Lastly, I thank each and every one of you who has read any of my posts in my blog. Many have praised me many have not, but I still thank all of you; even those whom I do not know personally and yet who have contributed in making this blog grow. A really big THANK YOU to each one of you. Without you readers I would be nothing. I would just be an insignificant blob in this world. Please do keep reading my writings the way you always have. It is the only skill I posses and with you people around I find a reason to write. I will die one day like everyone else, but my writings and my readers would hopefully be around to keep me alive forever. That is what I wish to attain in life. And this blog will hopefully be around to see me through my tough and happy times; helping me in scoring centuries and double centuries. Hopefully you will all be around to see me through that dream. This is the reason I celebrate this 'tiny' achievement with you all today; as you all too are very much a part of this feat of mine.

So see you readers; until next time. Or shall I say, until my next post. Like I said, the writing shall never stop. Adios. 

‘Aman Ki Aasha’ …ka Full stop!

This is a useless post. I do not say this to grab your eyeballs. This is indeed one of the most inconsequential posts I have written. It will have no significance in your life after you have read it. And neither will it reach close to affect the change that it intends to. Yet I write it. Why you ask? I have been on a self-imposed exile from this blog of mine for a few weeks, concentrating more towards my cricket writings for a sports website. So, what forces me to come out of my sabbatical and write this post?

Oh it’s the usual anger and helplessness that most of us Indians feel every now and then you see. It came from the Hyderabad bomb blasts a few days back which ripped through the city and took more than a dozen lives with it. As an Indian it disturbed me again, made me feel helpless and made me want to do something. Sadly, with my usual limitations, I can only write to express my views and hence I do that once again.

I don’t know how many times I have seen this similar kind of news in my short life span and how many more will I live to see. I guess that day is not far when we get up in the morning and our father asks us, “What’s new on the news today son?”, and we casually reply, “Oh another bomb blast in Mumbai father, taking 50 lives with it. Can you please pass me the toast?” Yes, that day is not far I presume, given the weak-kneed way our Government deals with the situation and the way our society’s mindset is.  Oh yes, our society too is equally to blame. How? Ahh...Good question.

Anger is good, but remember war is the last discourse. That would come later; first let us start by changing small little things about ourselves. We all know pretty well which country is behind these blasts. We all know who plans it, who lives to see us die a thousand deaths every day and yet each one us ignores it in a way. Today I shall not talk about our impotent government and the way we should go about tackling the terror outfits in our country. I want to discuss something way smaller, but something whose ramifications are equally damaging. I want to bring a full stop to this fake bonhomie we have with our neighbour, bring an end to this despicable ‘Aman ki Aasha’. Before we even progress on this war on terror; we have to understand one thing. Friendship with Pakistan is NOT HAPPINING. It will NEVER happen. No matter how hard our pseudo-intellectuals like Barkha Dutts yell it, it will never transpire.

The usual argument against my point is the same; “friendship is the only way forward”, “we should not let entertainment and sports get affected by all this” and other similar arguments. Hmm...Interesting. I wonder what these people would say if the head of their son would have been ripped off in one of these blasts. I doubt they would be clamouring for friendship then. All they would want is blood; that of the enemy. And Pakistan is our enemy. PERIOD. It is foolish to live in a delusional world and deny this fact. Their raison d’être is to see India bleed profusely, and they are succeeding mightily at this. And what do we do? Welcome pests from their country in our land, let them earn their bread here and feel happy from within that we are participating in this ‘Aman’ and ‘shaanti’. How nice. Fuck you. Yes, fuck you. I will not ask for any pardon on the language that I used; this deserves it.

It makes my blood boil in rage to see scum from their country coming here and participating in shows and events, smiling and talking about friendship. I do not care how talented they are. We have enough talent in our country to take care of our entertainment. I find it an insult to the memory of the dead soldiers and the innumerable innocent lives we have lost all these years when we embrace such vermin from across the border. Agreed that these people might not be directly involved in conspiring against us, but I DO NOT CARE. We cannot let them come to our land and enjoy the luxuries from our country when ‘their’ people are constantly making us bleed. If they care so much about ‘Aman’ and ‘shaanti’, ask ‘your’ ISI and other politicians to change first.

Let me talk about two of the most pivotal points which is linked with this bullshit called ‘Aman ki Aasha- sports and entertainment.

Sports:  Since it is my favourite subject let me explore this a little first. Aamir Sohail, Wasim Akram, Shahid Afridi, Abdul Razzaq, Waqar Younis and many of their clan come to mind first. What is common in all these? They have all been known to make anti-India statements back in the safe confines of their country regularly. Yet we so dearly love to invite them in our land and play against them or provide them their livelihood through other means. Because sports after all ‘should not come in between politics' isn’t it? It bridges boundaries and blah blah blah. Fuck you again. I don’t care how talented a Wasim Akram is; he is a scumbag who merrily earns his bread from India and then goes back to his hiding place to enjoy with the ones who make us bleed. While at one place bombs rip through our cities and at the other place we enjoy seeing the Akrams and the Shoaib Akhtars participating in chat shows and even dance programmes! I have not even started on this sly and shrewd Javed Miandad. This piece of parasite is actually a relative of the terrorist Dawood Ibrahim and yet he receives a red-carpet welcome in our country from our media folks and the Govt. without him willing to disclose the whereabouts of his 'bhaaijaan'. Tell me just how spineless are we? I would rather prefer playing against a team like Zimbabwe than see the faces of these Pakistanis playing here with us on our soil.

Entertainment: Ahh. The one that affects us the most isn’t it? Atif Aslam, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Adnan Sami, Ali Zafar, Veena Malik and many more like them are regulars in our country. “Such talent these people have!” many of you will exclaim. Many of us will scream in agony if we even ‘think’ to halt their entry to our soil. Fuck you again and again and again. It is because of vermin like Mahesh Bhatt, the Barkha Dutts and the likes that we get to see so much praise and acclaim for these ‘artists’ from our neighbouring land. Many top stars from Bollywood, whose name I wouldn’t take here, are also equally responsible in promoting this so-called ‘Friendship with Pakistan’ message. Understand one thing; these artists will NEVER EVER consider us as their own. They earn their bread from here, go back to their country and laugh at our stupidity. Oh yes, I am certain they do. We have more than enough artists in our country to suffice our entertainment needs; we do not need insects from Pakistan to erode our country further.

I am not even starting on politics as blaming the politicians in this situation is the easiest thing to do. But the issue of ‘Aman ki Aasha’ has to be resolved.  The other day, I went through my mobile phone’s playlist and deleted all the songs that had Pakistani singer’s names in it. It is a very small and inconsequential thing to do but I have started this war from within. What purpose would it solve you ask? Like I had said in my earlier lines, war is the last discourse. It is not the question of who wins it. War will hurt us too in many ways. But the least that we, the citizens of this country, can do is start the war within each of us. It is true that dialogue is the ideal way out. But you cannot engage Pakistan in dialogue. They only know one language and that is of blood. Friendship with Pakistan as I said will NEVER HAPPEN. It is not happening in this lifetime. We have to accept that fact and learn to live and tackle it.

All of us cannot take AK-47 s on our shoulders and stand at the border to fight with the ISI and the terrorists. But we can contribute in this war too if we are smart. We can hurt Pakistan economically. They are dependent on us in more ways than one. Shun them all out. Boycott their sportspersons and artists forever. Stop watching any programmes that has any Pakistani in it. Raise your voice against this issue, take out candle light vigils, share Facebook upates and let everyone know about this. It might not make a huge difference but it will affect them, it will hurt them, and it might make them suffer. And that is what I want to do. I WANT TO HURT THEM BAD.

Remember the families that have been ripped apart in all these terror attacks; all because of the country that lives to dream for our downfall. By preaching ‘aman’ with them we are insulting those families. The least we can do is stop singing this delusional friendship song with Pakistan. They teach their children that India is your enemy; and that is a FACT. The chapters of their history textbooks scream out loud that India is their number one foe; this too is a FACT. Yet we live in our own pseudo-intellectual world and keep repeating the ‘friendship with Pakistan is the only way out’ statement. Agreed that not all in their country might think like that, (especially their artists and sports-persons you might say) but I don’t care about the others. I know them as one and it shall remain the truth. Either you ask your country to change or stop coming to ours. You represent them and we shall not entertain you. Simple. True that we cannot be like them; no one is asking you to be. But extending the hand of friendship with someone who hates you from the core of their hearts day in and day out is sheer stupidity. Pakistan and its ‘avaam’ are laughing at us today; laughing at our impotency and foolishness.

Come out of your deep slumber people and wake up to the reality facing us with glaring eyes. I implore you. It might be a useless exercise in the end, but I shall try in the way I can. We have to be responsible and united as a society now. We have to take a stand. Raise your voice people. The time has come for all us to make a choice between what is RIGHT and what is EASY.

Musings of a 'Scared' Indian

Okay, I have been itching to get back to my writing ways. The last few weeks have been consumed in certain other pleasures of mine which demanded my attention. However, I am not the one who shall write for the sake of it either. That is belittling my craft I believe. Anyways, as it turns out a lot has been happening over the last few months everywhere. Political changes, cricket ups and downs and the usual happenings in our country have been grabbing eyeballs. However, the one incident that has obviously caught everyone by fire is the brutal gang-rape of the Delhi girl who eventually died a couple of days back.

 Now, I am not going to add to the already inflated views of how bad our system is, how crude our politicians are and how these rapists should be publicly pulverized. All of the above mentioned points are true, we all know it. As for the rapists, I for one believe that death is too easy a punishment for them. If they were to be hanged tomorrow it wouldn’t mean anything. These are deranged maniacs who should live and suffer every second of their lives to realize the level of their act. I really don’t have an answer on how that would come about. But they should suffer; like the girl’s parents would for the rest of their lives. I repeat, death would be too easy; almost a relief. They have to suffer, every day. Or else, humanity would have failed.

What should we do then to change this on-going situation? One would have thought that after the way public anger has mounted on this issue, people would be a little subdued before they commit such heinous crimes. But no sir, cases are piling up - a 45 year old woman was gang-raped two days back in my city, a 17 year old girl committed suicide after being gang-raped a few days ago and then I heard the news of a 2-year old baby being tied up and raped! What has the world come to? What is happening to our country, our people? What is wrong with these minds? Have we lost every ounce of humanity from us?

Today, I am not an angry Indian, but a scared one, a thoughtful one. I have no interests in these candle-light vigils, slogan shouting and abusing the politicians. What would that serve? Think for a moment. This is not just a problem of law and order; this is also the problem of the mindset, the psyche. I believe for change to come in, it us who has to change first; me, you, everyone. That also includes women. And by that, I don’t for a second mean that they should change the way they dress or change the places they visit. That is absurd to think. But I ask for a change in the way many women in our society think. Isn't it a fact that right from our childhood days we were implied from our grannys and moms that the men of the house are superior to the women in the way they were treated in the family? I have a pretty massive joint family from my mother’s side. During our mealtimes in family gatherings, my granny would always say “Let the men eat first.” I would argue with her on numerous occasions, try and explain her, but would fail badly. I would have to hear the same old, “sanskar and sanskriti” dialogues. But it was amazing to note on how girls in the family would follow that train of thought without flinching once. Men in our household, even the teenage boys, would automatically believe that they ‘are’ superior. They have a ‘right’ to work; women on the other hand 'can't' of course. This I believe is the case in millions of other homes as well. Shouldn't this change? Isn't all this somehow connected to the horror going on  in our society today?

And then we also have our fair dose of ‘feminists’ today who are shouting from rooftops to ‘demand’ respect and equality for women and the likes. Admirable sentiments those but here again I have a problem. I ask all those women to be honest to themselves and ask yourself the question - Haven’t you ever taken advantage of your ‘feminism’? By getting things done for you? By making men dance to your tunes ? Or it might even be a very simple thing like getting a seat in the bus ‘because’ you are a woman. Never, ever? Really?  This is not meant to justify anything, but a train of thought which ultimately I believe adds to the larger picture. All I want to say is that if you want ‘equality’, then ‘believe’ yourselves to be equal first. You can’t have a convenient time for demanding equality. Don’t play the ‘we are women, we have to suffer’ game. Believe that you are good enough; fight if necessary.  Tough? Yes. Impossible? Ask yourself that.

You might think why am I  not saying anything against men?  They are after all the main culprits. But I do not have anything new to add there. Because this is not the question of men vs women or us and them.  This is an issue concerning every one of us. Thus I am not going to lecture any further on how ‘most men are chauvinists’ or dogs or whatever you might want to add to it. That is not going to help. I asked in my earlier lines for a change of mindset and that includes every one of us; men, women, everyone.  All these are of course sounding too filmy perhaps, but that is a start I believe. You will hear about the rest of the ‘solutions’ in the coming days in any case.

The Delhi incident has laid everything bare for us. The face of our society lies in front of us ripped to shreds. It shows us that fear is imminent  it is near you. You can be next. I live in fear of my dear ones. What are we going to tell our children? What are they going to tell theirs? Something has to give; everything it seems is coming to a tipping point. We want change, but I say change yourself first. Think over it. Think what qualities would you inculcate in your children. Think. The men who raped the girl were also the children of their mothers. Would their mothers have ever imagined their sons to be such inhumans? Can any parent ever think for a second that their child would grow up to be a rapist? Who is to blame then? Something here is surely going wrong and that has to change.

This incident, like every other would be forgotten soon enough. The only ones who would really remember it are the girl’s parents who are now scarred for life. They are the ones who would die a thousand deaths everyday. And for what?

Be the change people; before shouting slogans think how cleansed YOU are from inside. Be the change you want to see. Deep down inside most of us are hypocrites living in disguise.  Learn to be human first. It might start with changing a very simple thing; like spitting on the road and in the same breath asking the Govt. to step down. Start with changing yourself first.  Like Morgan Freeman says to Jim Carrey’s character in the Hollywood film ‘Bruce Almighty’- ‘You want to see a miracle son? Be the Miracle’.

We might not live to see a clean society; but our future generations might if we learn to be humans first (and not ‘proud’ Bengalis or ‘Punjabis’ or whatever). That girl might have breathed her last but can’t we believe that she gave a new breath for our society to live with?  Think over it and the girl might not have died in vain after all.

The Rebel fights on- (Part 2)

(Second and final part of my interview with Canadian Esther Friede where she opens out a bit more and shares her personal side with us.)

Being an Indian Hindu, it felt rather strange to be taught verses from the Bhagavad Gita by a Westerner. It felt stranger, when I started realizing I am confiding in that person details of my life that I have hardly shared with anyone. Even more strangely, it started to feel good doing so and I would look forward to those conversations which would give me some strange kind of a solace. That is exactly how my relation with Esther Friede has blossomed over the past few months; from being a story’s subject to slowly evolving into a friend cum guide.

Esther with the children of her Ashram 

There is something oddly reassuring about Esther’s personality. Even though I haven’t yet met her, I always feel comfortable with her positive outlook toward life, her kindness, her patience, her simplicity and genuineness , all of it combined makes her a wonderfully human person; unlike any I have met in my life. Her stubbornness to not give up, to keep fighting and her belief in God despite all odds really moved me and made me want to help her at all costs, as if I too was in this fight with her, as if I am helping a family member.

All this might make one feel that I am biased about my whole approach towards Esther’s story as a journalist. But it really is the other way round. It is rather the honesty in her tale that makes me want to keep fighting harder, that makes me believe that there is something worth fighting for. And if in the end I do mange to contribute even one percent in her victory, I would feel I have done something good and worthwhile in my life after all.

So taking over from my last post, I explore some different facets of Esther; her personal side. Giving the land-mafia issue a pause, I try and delve on her human elements. Here she opens up on her relationship with ‘God’, her fears, her ‘Indian-ness’ and gives a short message to the Indian society.

Excerpts from the interview:

Q.1. You latest blog post questions India’s civility and Haridwar’s holiness. What exactly brought those feelings on?

Ans: I just can`t believe what is happening to India – the reason I came to India was for spiritual reasons – and to see this kind of corruption, violence, lawlessness in a holy city, of all places, I am just astounded!  What I don`t understand is that I have tried to get help from people – who have turned their backs when they could really help us put a stop to it. The place is full of big ashrams supported by a lot of wealth and influence.  You would think others would stand by us and demand justice and not want to have a holy place tainted by these kinds of corrupt activities.  When I first came to India in the 60`s to study with my Guru, I remember he used to say that one day India would overcome its difficulties, and become an advanced nation – both spiritually and materially.  Well, some of it is coming true.  On the one hand, material wealth has increased – but so what?  The disparity in society is so much greater. In my view, real development is about becoming more civilized, taking care of people, caring for the less fortunate, uplifting the nation as a whole, having honest governance that makes it possible for people to contribute to the welfare of society. I believe that in the heart of most people there is a desire to do good and a country where there is honest governance, lawful process, is able to benefit from the talent, drive, ambition and hard work of its citizens. People in India that I met before used to be kind, gentle, hospitable.  I was never afraid to go anywhere by myself. I literally felt like I was walking on holy ground when I went to the Ganges – or was anywhere in its vicinity.  Our ashram was so peaceful.  I still have a hard time reconciling the India I loved with what is happening now.

Q.2. You had mentioned to me that you tied a Rakhi to a friend of yours recently. You also seem to be quite inspired by the sacred Hindu book the ‘Bhagavad Gita’ besides knowing and enjoying quite a bit of Indian festivals and rituals. So despite all the negativities you have faced here can I say that there still is some Indian residing in you somewhere?

Ans: That part of me will never go away.  My Bhagavad Gita is daily food.  Whatever I study, I always compare it to the Bhagavad Gita.  I have started a blog – just got started recently – on the Gita.  I think the Gita is a phenomenal work, far deeper than it appears on the surface and the older I get, the more meaning it has for me.  Yes, I tied a rakhi on a good friend of mine to protect him when that festival came around.  Navratri is one of my favourite festivals because of its worship of the Divine Feminine – which is very significant.  Of all the countries in the world, the honouring of the Divine Feminine has disappeared and can be found only in the history of its ancient cultures, in archeological remains.  India is one of the only ancient civilizations with a continuous living history of this tradition.

Esther(center) with some kids of her Ashram

I sometimes think I am more Indian than some Indians. So many things feel completely natural for me, even though I was born to European parents who knew nothing about India. It is my samskaras from past lives that bring this about and will no doubt continue. When I first set foot on Indian soil, I felt like I had come home.  I feel at home in a sari;  I eat Indian meals regularly with my hands, Indian-style – a snack for me might be simple chapatis with Indian mango pickle, onion and dahi.

After my first trip to India, I hand painted a murti of Gayatri Ma which I still revere. I worship and meditate in Indian ways. When I came to India when I was still young, I visited with Sri Ananda Moyi Ma several times and have a habit of visiting Indian saints –especially the women saints – so I got hugs from Amma many times, learned about Sahaj yoga from Sri Nirmala Devi, sat at the feet of Mother Meera.  I visited SatyaSai in Puttaparti, knelt at the tomb of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother in Pondicherry, paid my respects at the tomb of Gandhiji, paid homage at ShirdiSai’s tomb. Of course, ultimately, I am devoted to my own Guru, Swami Devananandaji, but deep within me is the habit of taking the dust from the feet of highly developed beings however they may be embodied or even if they have left the body.

I have been down the Ganges with my Guru from Rishikesh to Varanasi, through the south of India with a friend, into Punjab, Rajasthan, Bengal.  There is still so much to see – I don`t know whether I will get to see it all in this lifetime – but it is as if I have an Indian soul……It is strange – when I see an Indian person, inside I feel like I am meeting a ``landsman`` - that is a German word for someone from your own country.  Of course, they wouldn`t know it – because I don`t look Indian.  It is really an inner thing, which is hard to explain.

Q.3. Is there still anybody in India whom you trust with your heart? Anyone whom you have faith or belief in or whom you can call a friend?

Ans: I trust my Guru with my life.  He is one in a million – I think God threw away the mould after He created him.   So it is hard for anyone to live up to that standard in my books.  And I am not just being starry-eyed and naïve.  I am in my 60`s, have considerable life experience now and I can honestly reflect on my time with him and still feel the same way.  I became very wary lately of people in India, don’t know whom to trust and have difficulty now being open-hearted in India, which is my nature.  I can’t understand the apathy of the many of the people around us in India. Recently, though, a few people have come forward to help who are showing a genuineness, courage and faithfulness that has really moved me. If it weren`t for them, the ashram may already have fallen into the hands of the mafia.  These people are restoring my faith – that there are still some really good people in India.

Q.4. What’s the update on the personal front? What occupies your mind and time these days? How do you keep your mind away from all negative emotions that are natural to seep in?

Ans: I see life as a journey of continual learning, growth, development and service.  Each phase of life offers new lessons.  I am very active and engaged in life.  For 4 years I had been serving as the Spiritual and Religious Coordinator (a chaplain) in three long-term care facilities, looking after the spiritual needs of the elderly and dying as well as young disabled adults. I was probably one of the first with Hindu spiritual training that made it through the difficult process of qualification (that has for so long in Canada been predominantly Christian) to become a chaplain and pastoral counselor. I had to leave that role because it did not give me enough flexibility to come to India and stay long enough to deal with the mafia issue. 

Now, I have my own private psychotherapy practice, where I do counselling for couples, families and individuals, adolescents and children.  I get a chance in my private practice to serve people, help them find hope through difficult challenges and facilitate finding solutions to their personal problems.  Life is not easy for anybody.  Nowadays especially, there is so much stress and anxiety, even amongst children.  

Esther Friede

More recently, I have been studying cybercounselling which will enable me to offer my counseling services online to adults anywhere in the world.  I am very excited about that. That would give me the most flexibility – because I could be anywhere in the world too as long as I have a computer and an internet connection.  I would like to write, turn my attention to that more fully.

I am a visual artist and have done a lot of art work – drawing and painting, and some work with fibre.  I have some training in the style of Renaissance Masters, and I have had some lessons in Chinese brush work.  But my natural spontaneous work is modern, a lot is abstract in oils and acrylics.  I also used my creativity to explore the inner psychological and spiritual life and have notebooks filled with symbolic drawings of the Divine Feminine.  I haven`t had much time for my art work lately.  I used to have visions of spending my later years at the ashram in service, working with children, in spiritual reflection, meditation and being creative as a writer and artist. 

Needless to say, that vision has been rudely altered by these recent developments with the land mafia.  Now, all I can think of when I think about the ashram is what next steps to take to defeat the mafia…..when I go there – I am constantly seeing lawyers and going to court, writing letters to try to drum up support……I still live my spiritual life, meditation and worship. I am struggling to make this battle part of the path.  I think of Arjuna in the Gita. I sometimes talk to God ``Bhagwan, if this is what you want me to spend my energy on – OK….I don’t agree with You – but if that is your will. ``   That is how I deal with the negative emotions.  I may feel them, try to process them and then put them into context of what my spiritual life is all about – discover and live the spiritual meaning behind the challenges facing me.

Q.5. At present what do you care for the most? What scares you?

Ans: I would have to say that it is my spirituality that means the most to me – in a different way than before. While it has been the underlying theme of my life, as I age, of course, I have had to come to terms with my mortality in ways that I did not think of in my younger years and most recently, life also has brought me to spiritually companion those who are dying.  I think about the four ashramas as taught by the Hindus – the four stages of life – Brahmcharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sanyasa……so I consider myself to be in the Vanaprastha stage in life…going towards Sanyasa – though I have been a sanyasin for most of my life, I still have always been active in the world, studying, learning and serving.  In the west, the ideal form of aging is to keep busy as long as possible.  In the Hindu way of life, the ideal is to turn to God, to become reflective, contemplative. What scares me the most is the thought of near the end, losing sight of God, my soul, my purpose for which I came to this earth, of my consciousness being distracted from its main purpose. You can check out the blog I started at http://lifetransitionslifecompletion.blogspot.ca/ which is all about completing one’s life.  Of all the blogs I started, this one gets the most hits.

Q.6. Endless issues hog the media space in India every day, yet important and serious issues like yours hardly find any light. Do you feel left out? Do you feel that some mileage from the media would help your cause? Your views on the Indian media as a whole in present times.

Ans: I am a little baffled why I have not been able to attract the interest of the mainstream press.  I would have thought that if the media took up the story of attempted theft and corruption, that the exposure would discourage the criminals. I was hoping that media coverage would highlight our cause and reach people who are interested in overcoming corruption in India – that people would come to our defense, support us – and perhaps with greater numbers, this fight could be won sooner.  Maybe the secular world of media doesn’t care about ashrams and religious folks – and think this isn’t mainstream enough to sell papers……

My feelings about the media are not only about the Indian media- I feel the same about the media in the rest of the world.  I don`t like the sensationalism and preoccupation with bad news, trivial things, celebrities.  I would rather read blogs like Daily Good – which reports good news or specialized magazines or blogs of my choice that are focused on issues of interest and are well written. 

I see the value of media in a democracy as a way of making issues transparent and providing interesting, educational and insightful commentary on matters that concern society and of taking up good causes. It could play a more enriching role in the culture of any country if it was truly civic minded. But sensationalism and trivia sells – just like junk food – which may not be good for you. I am realistic enough to know that media needs to be commercially viable but sometimes I think it could raise its standards and still be commercially viable. The media has so much power over people’s minds that if it was used in the right way, it could play such a significant uplifting role in the whole culture.

Q.7. Do you wish to give any message to the people of India or to anyone else in particular?

Ans: Sounds a little grandiose to be giving a message to the Indian people – but now that you have asked, yes I do: Rise up! Become your best and highest self! The power in each person is greater than anyone can imagine for God lives in the heart of each living being! Live boldly, imaginatively, creatively, devotedly with an open heart!

Now that I have had a taste of the corruption in India in the worst way, I would also like to say that when corruption takes a hold in a country it is because people are complicit – perhaps not in an overt way – but through apathy, indifference and acceptance of it. I understand that life is tough and that everyone is trying to take care of themselves and their families but sometimes, we just have to take a stand for the betterment of all and say enough! 

Many Indians have given up on India and go abroad where they find a lot of opportunity for their talents, ambitions and aspirations for their families.  Indians are probably one of the largest diaspora communities in the world.  What I would say to them is  -  don’t forget your roots and share some of your success with the people of India itself.   Give back to your home country – not just in time and money – but in bringing some of the values you have found elsewhere that inspire and motivate people to create a flourishing society.  Put pressure on the country to wipe out corruption, to put in place honest governance, social reform.

I ran away from the materialism of the west to seek simplicity and spirituality in India and was welcomed with open arms then.  Something has gone seriously wrong in India in its headlong rush to catch up materially with the west and it is the west that now is hosting more and more spirituality. I can’t begin to tell you how many new temples, centres, mosques have been built not only by Indian people, but by people from all over the world who bring their spiritual heritage with them. Throughout the west, ashrams, meditation centres, communities are being established – the west is welcoming this. Even large hospital systems in my city are teaching meditation practices to people suffering from pain, anxiety and stress.

Concluded

(To read the first part of my interview with Esther, click here.)